Cant get back to sleep.
Just really fucking restless. Maybe I should go chug a bunch of water. That always seems to work.
Im just super restless because of life. Like Im so worried about moving and my life after I leave Bolivar that I seriously forgot I haven’t even gone to the paint rave. Thats this fucking weekend and Im just now buying a shirt for it. Granted Im making it but hey. Although now that I think about it I am prettt excited. Now all we need is hotel rooms we can all crash in and we should be just fine. I got invited to go on a party bus though! Thank god I have a great ass. Dude just a great body in general. Like for reals.
Anyways! Starting tomorrow is my last full week of working at Woods. Which is so damn weird. I dont want to go. The workers of Woods are like my second family. I know family group is supposed to be that for me but nope. Not at all. Especially since they all just look at me like Im the worst person ever anyways. My co-workers, if someone has upset before or during work, they want to be the living shit out the person who upset me. Oh you did something minor to your looks? They notice. You’re just a little quiet? They wanna know whats up. Why you’re probably way more happy than usual, they wanna be excited with/for you. Those people are what makes it so fucking hard to leave this town. But if thats my only reason, I shouldn’t stay.
Besides Im not going to live with my sister anymore. She has a kid and I am NOT going back to not being able to stay the night with Jim unless its in Branson. That was just a pain in both our asses. I know you mean well but please let me live my life how I want to. I’m not a lost cause. In fact Im happier now that I have had to take care of myself and see things from a different point of view. I’m happy trying to appreciate new things. And if I liked it, I kept it. If I didmt enjoy it one bit, I threw it away. I know more about myself than I did two years ago. I know who I am. I am comfortable with who I am. I just need more time and space for myself to br able to say that as confident as possible. Because I like being the only girl in a group of guys. I like that I can get along with just about anyone. And now realizing how shitty jobs are so not to be an asshole because Ive been there. I dont always like to drink and get high. I like to fuck with the people that are. And if I am high, I just wanna lay in bed and watch pointless hours of Netflix and eat and eat and eat like there’s no tomorrow. And if Im drunk, I just wanna take off my clothes. Shit happens. And I like sex. A LOT. I probably get it weekly. If not like twice to five times a week. Yo, not sorry. Like I said, I have a great body. Although I almost nailed a coworker or two. One was a really bad kisser so that went no where anf the other one, yea man I just droppped the ball on that one. I had him in the palm of my hands. It was like makeout sessions in the breakrooms. My house when no one was home even if it was for only 30 good minutes. Yup. I fucked up in that one. But luckily once I dropped that ball, I ended up with Jim.. who oddly enough was supposed to be nothing but a booty call. Hey always thought he was hot. And he said I was sexy when I was 17 what about two years later?
But now I ended up with possibly the best relationship Ive ever been in. Legit. I’m so excited to be able to finally move in with him in June. It will be that much long awaited time. Im actually suprised he stuck it out with me down here as long as he did. Guess he just really liked me anyways. Like today for instance, I called him and somehow our conversation got to how much he adored our relationship because it helped each other out. And he said “you pulled me out of my rut. You may not have got to see me in it because by the time we we’re really serious I was out of it.” And so I told him he did the same for me. He was like “I had a hard time believing that because you were always so happy around me so I just never really knew.” Then I said “well you’ve seen a few of my crying sessions so there’s that”. Anf he finally said what I thought was true, “yea but I egged those on. I pushed you to see how open you would be with me about those things that upset you. I wanted to know just how honest you would be to I could know you. Once I found out you were just honest about everything from the get go, I knew I could do the same for you.” And that was the best thing to hear. Because we do have this extremely open relationship. I think thats whu we work so well together. Neither of us hesitates to just say something. Unless he’s mad, then ill like petty/small talk the shit out of the situation. Because when he’s angry, he is not coming down from that for a while. I dont fully believe my horoscopes but being a Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp, he has the anger or Scorpio and the forgiveness of the Sagittarius. Basically meaning when he’s mad get the fuck out of the way, but after his episode if he did hurt you he is going to apologize for being a dick. And Im this meek little Aquarius haha. Ohhh zodiac signs.
Oh my god I chugged so much water and still nothing. I have this super horrible habit of accidentally taking three hour naps. Maybe I should stop doing that. Probably wont. But you know. I work at nine tomorrow. Good thing Im getting up in like six hours. Balls…. I need sleep…. fuckkkkkk
I’m just gonna go on tumblr for a while because why not right?
I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.
it’s the 8th month
I cracked the code
October is the 10th month though
It was originally the 8th month but then Julius fucking Caesar decided to add in July and August after himself and his nephew Augustus
we should totally just stab caesar
Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.
The Celtic Animal Zodiac.
The Celts honored the rhythms of Nature, and observed different flavors of their environment according to the season. Like our Native American kin, the full moon in each month held a special personality. They had a tree zodiac a Moon Zodiac and an Animal Zodiac. The Animal Zodiac is based on the animal that is most prominent within the season and the month of the persons birth. Below is a brief description of personality traits from the signs.
December 24 - January 20
The stag Celtic animal sign has high ideals and aspirations. If you want to start a new project, get a Stag sign to help you. They will not be deterred from their vision. They are thorough, patient and their persistence insures their triumphs. When others have long given up, Stags buck their way past boundaries. They are proud, and rightfully so - they hold themselves in a regal way. They are naturally noble, like they came from royalty. This is not to say Stags feel entitled. Far from it. They believe in righteous hard work, and their integrity is their trademark. You might also want to read my page on stag meanings for tattoo ideas here.
January 21 - February 17
Quick minded, and even quicker wit, the cat of the Celtic year packs a pounce in the realm of intellect. This Celtic animal sign has impeccable reasoning abilities, but moreover they have a knack for seeing the underside of things, a “sixth mental sense” if you will. They have unorthodox vision, and should be called upon when fresh new perspectives are needed in a project. They also have a kind, humanitarian quality that makes them lovable. Although sometimes they can appear aloof because they like to be on the fringe, always observing. Nevertheless, they have the best intentions at heart. Cats are also very creative, and need an artistic outlet to express themselves.
February 18 - March 17
The Celtic animal sign of the snake has a cool exterior but are infinitely lively. They are curious and are always full of questions about how the world works, and how the people around them work (even if they aren’t openly asking, you can bet they’re figuring out the answers in their own mind). Snakes are natural communicators, and they can be hugely persuasive. If they are passionate about a cause they can round up the whole neighborhood with their zeal and enthusiasm for their purpose. Snakes can be spontaneous and unpredictable too. And although they’re pretty flexible, they like things to go their way (who doesn’t?), and will prove to be uncooperative if pushed in a corner.
March 18 - April 14
The fox sign is amazingly cunning and knows how to work a room with sly, sexy humor. Full of guile, vigor and bright intelligence the fox is an untamable force. This Celtic animal sign is the one to take with you on exotic vacations, they will wind your ways into amazing adventures. They have a knack for story telling, and every experience is fodder for their tales. They are tender-hearted, although they don’t show that soft side too often because they’re too busy playing and cracking jokes. However, they aren’t shy about showing their loyalty; if you are the friend of the fox, you have a friend for life. Highly energetic and courageous, the fox has an indomitable spirit.
April 15 - May 12
Strong, loving, stable and sure are the watchwords for the bulls of the Celtic lunar year. Cows/bulls are the ones you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on, honest opinions and solid advice (particularly in relationships). These Celtic animal signs have bullseye intuition and can spot a liar from a mile away. Because they’re highly intuitive, they can be misunderstood as moody or over emotional. They also come by stubborness honestly. They have excellent taste, and have a flair for classy elegance in fashion and home décor. These signs are as trustworthy as the day is long, and know how to keep a secret.
May 13 - June 9
The Celtic animal sign of seahorse is vastly flexible and resourceful. The seahorse is the person you want managing your finances or handling your legal matters because these people are infinitely clever (if there’s a loophole, they’ve either found it or invented it). They also have amazing memory retention. They are sometimes hard to follow because they’re minds are so sharp. They can also be changeable, but they always come back around to a level of high charisma. These people are astoundingly versatile and adapt remarkably well in any environment. Seahorses are so loveable too. Even better, they love being adored, and easily reciprocate affection.
June 10 - July 7
The wren Celtic animal sign is associated with freshness, and opening to new insights, and sunnier dispositions. They are natural care givers and will sign sweet melodies to cheer their friends and family. They remain calm in the midst of stormy weather. You want to have these people with you if you find yourself in a crisis; they are resourceful and stay cool under pressure. Wrens are self-motivated (they know how to get what they want) and work best in solo situations. They are also have a high sense of responsibility and moral integrity. They seek balance in their lives by being leaders at work on in the community, but secretly they would rather be traveling abroad living a life of a gypsy (this however, is often against their better judgment).
July 8 - August 4
Exuberant, expansive and powerful, the Celtic animal sign of the horse will give you a run for your money. Naturally competitive, and rightfully so. The horse has loads of talent, and enough confidence to go ‘round, particularly in business matters. They have a sixth sense when it comes to strategy and navigation (these signs have an uncanny internal compass). They are gregarious, and openly charming (even flirty). They make grand appearances, and know how to carry themselves with style and authority. They do well in leadership positions, but they are just as happy to be the helpers of the clan (as long as they are given adequate recognition for their talents and contributions). Potentially headstrong, they are also valiant in times of adversity.
August 5 - September 1
Salmon signs dive deep in their inner waters for inspiration, bright visions and dreamy perspective. They are naturally intuitive but they don’t make a big deal out of it. These people have a unique view of the world which makes them some of the community’s best artists, poets and visionaries. Some times they dive way too deep for the rest of us, and some just can’t follow where they swim. But that’s okay, the fish sign needs that kind of depth, isolation and introspection because when they come back up for air, the world is awed by their brilliance and insight. They are very bright and intelligent and know how to get what they want no matter how hard they must work for it.
September 2 - September 29
Spiritually evolved, and eloquent in expressing themselves, the swan swims in a class of their own. They have high standards, infinitely discriminating tastes and they have a keen eye for beauty (even when others cannot see it). Very refined and noble, sometimes the swan is mistaken as detached. This however, is not the case. The swan is a lover, and can prove to be quite passionate in relationships. That “coolness” comes from the swan’s understanding of composure. They’re natural aristocrats. They can be exacting in details, and have specific ideas about how things should be done. If you want someone who is perceptive, organized and extremely tasteful, get a swan’s perspective.
September 30 - October 27
This Celtic animal sign lives up to the adage “social butterfly.” Flitting from friend to friend in parties, and always in contact with loved ones (they’re the ones always on the phone, or texting). They can’t help it. Butterflies are gentle souls who can’t be tied down for very long. They love to dream, express new ideas and talk about their plans with all their friends. These are the people who brighten up any dark day with their cheer and magnetically bright personalities. They are naturally empathetic, and would never intentionally harm anyone. Rather, they make easy friends, and like to see others uplifted. Butterflies bring a sense of wonder and youth to our world. Keep these people around you to remind you of how truly good life can be.
October 28 - November 24
Wolves have a strong sense of purpose, and will go to great lengths to see their point is made, and fully understood. This Celtic animal sign is fearless, brave and they rarely compromise. These are the hero’s you want by your side in the heat of battle. They will not back down, and they will take no quarter. Others marvel at their inner fortitude. Where do they find the energy and wherewithal to keep going? They thrive on challenge, that’s what gives them their stamina. They have impeccable character, and “honor” is their middle name. They are strong willed, and sometimes live up to the “lone wolf” label. Nevertheless, you always know where you stand with them, and they will unite with you as long as you share their cause.
November 25 - December 23
Seldom do we see more focus in the Celtic animal signs than that of the hawk. When these signs see something they want, they go after it with a force that is remarkable. If, however, they aren’t interested in a project, they will fly off to other more interesting prospects. They care deeply for wisdom, and often focus on sharing that knowledge with others. They can be very philanthropic and generous. Hawks have a keen sense of balance, and they navigate through life with an internal “true north” that creates an uncanny integrity within them. They are open minded and philosophical. Although they entertain all manner of hypotheses, they are strongly opinionated (that inner “true north” thing). That is not to say they cannot be persuaded.
I have never heard of this before. NEAT!